I have been struggling w/ kids at my reception. I have kids (they are a part of the wedding party) but I don't want to have more kids at my reception than adults (these days it can happen). I was thinking of letting people know no kids after 8:30pm (including my own). I have arranged for a sitter so they (mine) can leave. With my kids not being there - I don't want to be bothered w/ other folks kids. I have been told to do an adults only reception - but I dont want my invited guests w/ kids to not want to come. HELP!!
The only children at my reception were the ones in the wedding party and after photos the had to go, and yes two of the little rug-bugs were my own. You'd be surprised how many people you will offend when you send an invitation with a 'Adults Only Reception' card. But when the party starts they'll be happy the babies were left at home, and they're having a grown folks moment.
I am getting married in March 2006 and I am sending out a reception card that says Reception from 5-7 Party starts at 8:00pm. I hope this will send the message that kids got to go, even mines after 7. I left the hour in there so we could pick up and things like that or change clothes. I hope not to offend anyone since it will be alot of family there.
Consider having an on site babysitting service or even a children's party with entertainment for a couple hours. This will allow more adults to psrty with you a short while before leaving with the kids. Many will not come to the reception if the have to leave the kids with a sitter. phenomonique is right on point about offended people. But, lets face it, someone will be upset about SOMETHING no matter how well you plan!
You ladies are on the ball about everything but you must do something [either get the sitter or no-children policy] because even though you are concerned about hurting someone's feelings now...nothing hurts more than a child wasting food....especially a 150.00 per person plate.
I've really been struggling with this decision also. But, you know what? I think my fiance and I just have to do what works for us. And for us, not having extra mouths to feed or our guests involved in the extra discipline and fussing makes for a better reception. Now, that may not be popular and some folks may be offended. In that case, they have to do what works for their family. So, if someone can not make the reception, then I understand. Hopefully, that will not keep them from attending the wedding ceremony. As a bride, we have so many other things to worry about. If we tried to accomodate everyone on everything, we'd end up really broke and disappointed. I don't know how it will work out for us, but for right now, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)
My family is very large. My mother alone has ten brothers and sisters who all have large families, filled with children, grandchildren, even great-grandchildren. They add up to nearly 150 people by themselves. Half are local and half live all over the US. So the out-of-towners don't have to struggle with finding childcare or leaving the children back home, I am having my wedding in atrium of this really nice hotel. The children (who are not invited to my very sophisticated, adult wedding) wil be in a nearby conference room. I will be providing CPR certified supervision, kid friendly food, and a variety of games and movies. The other up side is the my out-of-town guests can stay in the hotel. I FULLY intend to put on the invitation that the ceremony and reception are "adult only", but I will enclose info and a separate RSVP card for the kids room. My fiance and I have two children between us. They will be part of the ceremony, but will be joining the kids room for the reception. This way, we can preserve the mood of "our" ceremony and afford to invite his family and our friends!
Welcome isoma7!! I think it is great that you are providing this "alternative" for the children...I think it will be received better by the parents you are inviting!
By the way, when is your wedding, what are your colors etc? The ViBride sistahs want to know!!! :)
I'm sure your guests will appreciate the effort you've made to give them a break for an "adult night out!" I'm sure the kids will have a blast as well. Make sure you get as accurate a count as possible for the kids because you may need more than one sitter.
Posts: 1768
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 01/04/2008 09:55 AM
I struggled with this a bit, but ultimately I didn't want to exclude close friends or relatives (esp. relatives) from coming....I may allay some fears about children though:
1. These places have included a fee for minor damage (kids or no children) that children may cause to the place...
2. You have a higher risk of damage from drunk adults...which an additional fee is often charged if alcohol will be present.
3. They actually are a lot of fun....the kids at my wedding and my brother's wedding were cute...They make great pictures (candid) of kids sleeping in laps, dancing-esp dancing with older folks and parents, or giving their money to the bride or groom for the money dance!
4. You will be the apple of a little girl's eye! I had so many parents saying, oh come talk to my baby, she can't stop talking about her cousin who is a princess! The looks on their faces are priceless. Or imagine a picture of a bride dancing leaning over to dance with a 5-year old little boy in his tux! So they make for great pictures.
5. I did have a cousin who is autistic come to the wedding, and my aunt actually asked if it was okay that he come....I said Of course, and then almost angry that she would even think I'd want to exclude my cousin...then a little more angry, because she had not been invited to weddings of "close friends" or family because they knew she had a son like that...he did make a little noise during some quiet times, but he can't help himself, and I was NOT embarrased....the drunks would have embarrassed me more...
6. If you are doing 150.00 and you are worried about wasting money, can you really afford 150.00? If you have to worry about it, then I suggest dropping down to less expensive plate. As far as discipline, a kids room would be nice, but they are kids, not aliens....I have yet to see a bride and groom have to actually DEAL with unruly kids! But it happens, so do whats best for you...I guess I am reacting because I have seen some people counted out because they have kids...its like they are some kind of disease or something. You'll be happy, you may not even notice them! Besides, they are family too aren't they?
Posts: 1768
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 01/04/2008 10:18 AM
Thanks, I just talked to a co-worker about it, and we agreed that if there is alcohol, it may not be appropriate for children of a certain age...If you know its going to be a grown-folks party, with a club atmosphere, then I suppose its warranted, but we had a "family-friendly" reception in the early afternoon, so we couldn't come up with a good enough reason to exclude them...but all in all its a touchy subject!
I would like to include children because a lot of my and FH's extended family have small children, so I plan on doing my reception a little earlier and only serving wine instead of liqour and doing an after party for my close friends with liqour after the reception.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
well my reception will start at 6 and will include the kiddos-but it will be no drinking because it is at the church! us grown folk will party the night before after the rehearsal dinner! LOL FH and I both opted out of the bachelor/bachelorette parties so we are just going to have a "get together" with all of our family and close friends!
We are doing an Adult Only Reception mainly b/c between the two families it's too many children. I refuse to pay $20+ on a 6yr old that plays over their food. And being that we only have 120 spots for the reception, its just easier to do adults. Our families are already aware so unless they can dish out some extra cash for their kids, they will need to find a sitter. Besides the kids that are in the wedding (our 3 boys and 2 god daughters) no other children are allowed. And we are debating on letting them stay.
this was a major desicion for us because I have so many kids at church that are always at my house and all of my neices/nephews love to be around me so to tell them NO has been really hard. Some of them are still salty about not being apart of the wedding....
But hey, it all boils down to that good ole coin for us. So kids are not up for discussion.
I didn't have any kids at my wedding (nor in the wedding party). Honestly, I was concerned about the location. The beach intracoastal was right there (no fence/borders for the 100ft drop), yahcts were everywhere (hide & go seek?), and there were plently of self serve alcohol. I suggested to people that it was a great opportunity to 'take a break' from the kids for one night. The ones that really wanted to be there, got a sitter (they had ample time to find one) and the ones that didn't want to come, ended up using their kids as an excuse. No big deal- I still had a blast!
I'm a married woman as of December 2, 2006.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He shall give you all the desires of your heart.-Psalm 37:4
We indicated Adult Reception on our invites as a way to stay within our budget. The only children at our reception were our children and our Bridesmaid/groomsmen's children. They were well behaved and were actually funny to watch on the dance floor. In reality, they added to the mood we wanted for our day: non-stuffy, light hearted and fun. If we could have afforded to invite more, we would have.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Posts: 1789
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 01/04/2008 03:28 PM
I don't know. I say that this is a personal decision whether to have children at a reception or not. Personally, I think that they add flavor to a reception with the cutsy things that they do. More often than not, if you know for sure how many children would be there, your caterer would accommodate with children platters (hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, french fries) things that would be more appealing for the children and they would charge you less than the adult plates. I did my pastor's wedding in Boca Raton, FL about 6 years ago and we had separate menus for the adults and the children and it was a big hit. So maybe you guys could consider that as a possiblility. And as I was reconfirming the RSVPs, it gave me the opportunity to reconfirm the amount of children and to advise the parents that there is a huge pool at the hotel where the reception will take place, so for their children's safety, please keep their children with them at all times. Everyone had fun, especially the kids, they ate, I had gift bags for them with T-shirts and coloring books (all age appropriate).
So I say that it's a personal choice. Personally, I couldn't think of not having children in my reception because I come from a huge family. How can I not? They're my cousins.
It's such a difficult decision to make because having kids can bring your budget up a lot. If money was no object, then I would have all the kids in my family and FH's family because I love kids.
At the moment we have 22 kids coming. Our venue has a separate room for the kids to have dinner so we can have a "adult only" meal. The kids will nly get bred during the speeches anyway. Once the evening guests arrive, we'll have the kids in with us all so it will be a party atmosphere. We intend to get a qualified nanny to look after the kids and the parents will hae the option of bringing the kids or not and they can stay over - so if the evening gets too much, they can put them to bed and not worry about having to travel for miles to get home.
I myself never thought about not having children at the wedding. I have jr groommen and jr. bridesmaids. Also I am a mom of an 8 year so I know I couldnt exclude him..He is as happy as I am about me getting married..(he believes you have to be married to have a baby and wants a sibling extremely bad) LOL My FH doens have children but knows nothing goes down without my baby. Now I do agree with not overdoing it and having more kids than adults..But I will have some not all. Also I would take Ginoue advice and look into kid friendly food.
We're haing an adults-only reception because our venue only seats 150. I would love to have my little couzos there but my famly is too fertile. I'm one of the few that has 2 or fewer children. Everyone else that has kids has 3 or more! Just going off my 1st cousins chilren I'm at 27! Add in the female BP's children, that's another 7. Church folks' kids - don't get me started! Since I'm using a hall that allows me to bring in my own food money was not an object bu space is. Plus my reception will have alcohol and is from 7-11. My own children are leaving at 8:30!
No children at the reception for me and fh.I have put alot of thought into including them but there are simply too,, too too many.. We have a guest list of 210 and with children that list went way over 300.. (yikes) My reception and ceremony are at the same hotel and my younger cousin and her best friend have agreed to babysit the children who must be there (I have 4 flowergirls) and FH has a 5 year old. I love my little cousins and step-daughter to be, but goodness after some pics and finger foods they will be elsewhere.. Since i am having a open bar with liquor.. i don't think it would be appropriate for them to be there.. Nothing worse than a child seeing their parents drunk trying to do the electric slide. Luckily just about everyone will be staying at the hotel that night..
I've been struggling with this decision in my planning, too. I'm really torn about what to do. My family is very small so I only have 3 children to deal with (2 flower girls and 1 jr. bridesmaid). My dilemma is whether to invite my friend's children . . . 60% are well behaved and a delight to have around, the other 40% are true demon-spawn and spread terror and destruction whereever they go. For this reason I originally said, NO KIDS but for similar reasons that everybody has mentioned, I would love to have kids come. We're doing a garden style ceremony and early afternoon champagne reception (no sit-down dinner, just hors d'ouevres). Part of me says, keep it simple and say no kids, my three little ladies will be 9, 8, and 7 and can entertain each other. But i know there are a couple of my friends' kids that i really enjoy and find charming, and i think they would have a good time. Also, I have a reputation as child-friendly: i'm a child psychologist with kids all around me. What should i do?
I decided in the beginning that we were only allowing the children in the wedding party to attend. My caterer did tell me that they can do a childrens menu @ 19.00 per kid. However, some of my friends have quite a few kids, not to mention some of them are Bebe's kids!! :))
This is my first post. We've decided that we want kids at the reception but the more I read about it and attend "adult only" receptions I'm a little skeptical. Oh well, too late now. Anyway, I have a 3 year old of my own and a ton of kids in the family that I am close to. So many people wouldn't be able to come if we didn't allow kids. However, We've set up babysitting for guests who want it and we lucked out: Kids meals at the Country Club where are reception is are only $9.95. Not bad huh?
FutureMrsKeepinup, thanks for the warm welcoming. I'm so glad that I came across this site. To answer your question, I'm getting married 10/12/2008 in Hilton Head, SC (but I'm from the northeast). My FH is currently serving in Iraq and supposed to get back in Aug. Lord I hope he makes it on time. LOL! We're having the ceremony outside under moss draped oaktrees with views of the ocean and paris island. Our reception is at a Country Club. Our primary color is meadow/sage green and our themes are calla lilies and the beach (seashells mostly) and lots and lots of candles. We want our wedding to be in between formal and semi-formal but fun and different.
Posts: 1768
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 01/06/2008 04:48 PM
Musikana, do what is best for you, your sanity, and your budget....If its a family-friendly reception, then go for it...If not, do your guest list, including every potential child (AND children that are on the way) of each guest and decide.....
P.S. Everyone....the later the reception is, the less likely people with kids will come and/or the more likely they will search for a sitter....if I had kids, and I knew a friend was having an adult-only reception and I would go for it....adults need a night off from the kids too.....
If budget is a problem remember what others here have mentioned:
1. Kids a certain age has a discounted price.....you may even get an 11-year old a child plate too...
2. Remember that they will make 5% or more extra plates...a server may drop a plate or something so they always are prepared....
3. People doing real destination weddings will likely cut out some big families anyways....even if a few hours (up to 10 or 12) travel is involved (like mine did), many bigger families with more than 2 kids will likely not come....With all those little ones in our family, we had A LOT of folk bail out at the last minute....even after they confirmed with a call or RSVP..... so this is why many chose to do Adults Only, but its hard if you're wanting those favorite relatives not to be counted out....so have an open dialogue with family members about what you are doing....Cause if its looking like many kids won't come, you may still have a MORE adult like reception with out out-right saying it....you can always make changes up until a week or 2 before....like adding more liquor or changing the music list or more "bleep"tails.....Anything is possible!
Posts: 305
From: St. Thomas, VI now residing in Baltimore
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 07/18/2008 08:33 AM
Only out-of-town parents who brought their invited children had them at our wedding (3 kids and one baby) with the exception of one lady and her husband who had their 2 grandbabies left with them short notice, and we didn't want them to miss the wedding. They were quiet and well-behaved and were too young to cost anything anyway. The kids who were there were my cousins, for the most part, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love children, and I wanted them there. Some I had never met and were eager to meet, and some I hadn't seen in years.
However, it's definitely a personal choice depending on the mood of the reception and what your prefer. The kids were half price too, as I would expect any reception place to charge. If a place doesn't charge half price for kids, maybe you shouldn't have your reception there. They're kids afterall. My little cousin was so cute at our wedding taking pictures and even video all over the place with his little camera. I saw some of the footage, and he wasn't bad at all. We might have a little aspiring photographer on our hands. He also tore up the dance floor with his moves, like a little Michael Jackson! We both enjoyed having him there.
Additionally, it's nice to have a babysitting room, but you don't have to provide babysitting for anyone. Suppose something happens to someone's child in a service you provided. It's safer to keep them with their parents if they're there. We had a table for the 3 kids (ages 7, 8, and 10) and they sat there with their 3 mothers, who attended alone, to keep them well-behaved. Each had child had his/her own gift bag with crayons, activity books, puppets, stickers, and flashcards which I purchased from the dollar store.
Posts: 373
From: virginia beach, VA (hometown and wedding in NYC)
Re: Kids at the reception
Posted on: 07/18/2008 09:25 AM
We are having 6 children at our wedding. our two flower girls, our broom girl, and our ring bearer. Also I am only allowing my cousin from NC to bring her children. My venue doesn't charge for cildren ages 1-6 but the rest are full price. I have a children's table for them set up and I will have my cousin's friend sitting there with them.
A close friend of mine is attending the wedding and reception with her 3 year old son and her stepson who is about 8. And they are the only children attending. I don't mind because I love kids-as long as they don't disrupt the ceremony....LMAO.
It's OK. I believed that until I was 16.LOL I knew HOW you got pregnant. Just thought everyone would wait until they were married to do it. I blame it on Classic Harlequin romances. :)
My kids were the smallest there. I allowed the out of town guests to bring their children. in total we had 7 children and 1 infant and they all did very well even during the ceremony, although my daughter wanted daddy so bad. so she was standing with the men for a little while. lol.but at the reception, they all sat at there table and had a ball, for our cake i had the baker add cupcakes with my color flowers on them for the kids. and they had chicken nuggets and fries for their meal. Burger King was very close by, my aunt/coordinator went and got that for them during c!cktail hour.
We also decided on an adult only reception with the exception of the few children that are in the bridal party. My son is 14 so of course we could not place him in a childrens room or give him a childrens meal. Our caterer will set up a small area for the children, along with a childrens menu & actvitiy center, and will have one of the team memembers "baby-sit" during the reception.
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