Hello, I keep digging for information on my "fiance" b/c in my heart I did not trust him. I found it today. He is married. He and a woman lived in an apartment together for a few years and the house that he took me to see after he bought it is theirs. Her last name changed around the same time as the move. I dumped him already but being curious I continued to dig on the "zabaseaches", "peoplefinders", and court records. I wont confront him unless he calls me.
So I am signing off ladies. i dont think I will be back. I am taking a break from engagements and dating. I wish all of you who have found true love the best. I have my Bible and the Spirit to comfort me.
Lots of love. M
No, I found all I needed on the internet. I used the court registry to find his old address from when his baby mother took him to court for child support. I then used the internet to link a woman to the same address.
Now, the two of them live in a house in the county and I saw both of their names listed on the whitepages.com website. I have been to the home and I have an idea of the area. so, now I know the truth.
Are you saying they are separated? Or aren't? That info isn't ALWAYS COMPLETELY correct. I just don't want you making a decision off of false pretenses. You seem like a "I wanna know what's up" type of lady. Maybe you should go by the house, since you already been there. The "woman's" name could be anyone until you find out for sure. I'm sure those sites didn't say he's married.
I agree with T. Sometimes that stuff listed isnt always updated, so fast at that. You dont want to jump the gun and then find out that the info was wrong.
I never trusted him. He lied and told me he didnt have a child and then writes me a letter saying he had a son. He was always so "busy" etc, The only thing missing was that he didnt wear a ring. He could have told me that he was married or that they ar separated. I dumped him for other reasons so I wont pursue it.
Last night I lay awake the entire night even after taking a sleeping pill. The Spirit told me to let go. I was in love with who I thought he was not who he is. I dont date married men. I want to see a divorce decree before we go out. LOL.
There are some other things that happened that are too painful to mention. I mean he gave me a ring and we were talking dates but I just think he was being selfish and refused to let me go. We orginally met years ago and I wasnt ready. Six years later we ran into each other again and he had movedon but I guess wanted to know what could have been.
I texted him goodbye today and he hasnt replied. I think he knows his game is up.
I never saw that he was married but I saw he wasliving with a Ms. Jane Doe at such and such place and then I see them listed as Mr. JOhn Smith and Jane Smith someplace else. So they got married and moved to a home. Right?
mycenae1918 we don't want to see you leave your relationship and in regards to your last question the answer is No, that isn't right. You need to talk to him before jumping to wild conclusions. Trust is the most important thing in a loving relationship. You can't have love without it. He may be completely floored by an impersonal text ending a relationship in his mind is perfect. Just meet with him and find out for sure.
Who can trust the white pages? Maybe you were hoping for dirt and wouldn't stop until you thought you found it. Is your pastor offering couples counseling at your church? They can help you with your trust issues.
Texting him good-bye could have also threw him off for a minute. Give him a second. But don't text him again for awhile.
Girl NO! That doesn't mean that. With the phone company and probably other company too ...you can say your name is who ever you want it to be ...I've seen it done many times.
That's YOUR finance ..I say go over there ...find out what you need to find out THEN make your decision.
I'm not taking up for him ...but I was always told ..."if you look for dirt, you find dirt".
Yes please talk to that man, you never know what may be going on.
I have heard this same saying-"if you look for dirt, you find dirt" but it can be his past that has not been cleared up. Just like T said I am not trying to stick up for him either. But if what you found is right, talking to him or going to the house and confirming it or finding out its not the truth, will give you closure. you dont wanna end it and then later on have the "what if's" going thru your head.
M-I must agree with all the other ladies on this one...
Don't make assume-deal with the facts. It could be that if they are seperated alot of times if you are not divorced and you make a major purchase (home etc..) they both were on the loan or loan app for some reason or another-so again, just because they are listed as Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and have the same address means nothing..
As for him not telling you about the child...did you ask him why he hid such an important piece of info? do you have children? maybe he thought if you didn't have children you may not want a man with a child...I know it sounds crazy, but we are talking about a MAN--they think waaayyyy different from women LOL
I think you should lay it all on the line...don't walk away without the answers you deserve OR give him the opportunity to explain...
But I agree, you need to turn to God for the right way to approach this situation...also remember he will never leave you nor forsake you... :)
Hell maybe I need to join your azz in A GALAXY FAR AWAY because i am confused as hell not even one month ago u were having issues with the ex that u couldnt let go of and the new fiance whose ring u wouldnt wear we were wrecking our brains trying to figure out why u were feeling the way u were feeling about not wanting to wear the new engagement ring u were still chillin with the ex and the ex ex and the ex ex ex and so on and so forth and we were asking u if the new fiance had problems and u said no he was perfect now the truth or untruth cames out yes i think u should swear off men and engagements of all kinds and get urself together sugar imma leave this alone right now cause i smell my hair burning good luck with working on YOU
Sounds like he has too much baggage and one too many cards under the table. I would agree with the other women about hearing what else he has to say, but the fact that he lied about having a child in the first place is a red flag to me. I'm sorry to hear that you are not going to post among us anymore, Mycene, but I understand. Handle your business girl and don't let this one experience spoil your views about all men.
Posts: 1885
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: It's Goodbye Again Guys
Posted on: 08/27/2008 06:14 PM
I'm sorry ladies, but I have to say my piece. Mycenae, eversince you came back, you didn't trust this man. So much so that you didn't even wear his ring. You've been looking from the start for a reason not to be with him nor marry him.
First and foremost, why would you be investigating the man like that. Those web reports are not accurate on anyone. If you were to conduct a search on yourself, you'd be very surprise what you find. Everyone who knows would tell you that court records are never accurate. What interest would this guy have in asking you to marry him and he wasn't free to be married. You yourself has said that you have no proof that he's married other than some records you found with his name and another woman's name on it. You're a grown woman, you're old enough to know that just as you he had a past life, so what? How could things go bad in just a few days. YOu were over the moon all weekend. YOu were looking to find something and you think you did and beside, who breaks up with anyone via text message? Of course he didn't reply. The man is probably in shock. You need to go to your pastor and take your fiance and go to counseling. It's needed very much because no matter what, you don't trust this man and it will take a lot to get you over that. You jumping to conclusions that are unfounded. What you think is, really is not what is happening in actuality. Not everyone is getting married for the first time darling. Even if this man had a life before you, he's with you now. So, my advice is to confess your sins to your fiance because you went fishing into his past without permission (if he were to look into yours, what would he find?). Then, you need to go to spiritual counseling with your man. You can get past this with prayer. Don't throw away your future on a "maybe".
Posts: 395
From: St. Thomas, VI now residing in Baltimore
Re: It's Goodbye Again Guys
Posted on: 08/27/2008 11:28 PM
Mycenae, I also agree with the ladies comments about talking to the man. You're a bit impulsive with the text messages. I think I would do something like that when I was younger and so short-tempered.
Nah, if I couldn't get him on the phone, I'd send a long e-mail telling him why he's a piece of s_ _ t. LOL!
As you get older you learn that you need to have more patience. Your instincts could be right (some selfish men do some dirty low-down things), but they could also be wrong. You owe it to yourself and him to find out for sure. Peace be with you.
What in the world! Yeah sis you are from A Galaxy Far Away.
Its very easy to find out if a person is legally married or if there is a Dissolution of Marriage...County Official Records Search.
You said you didn't trust him in the first place. Trust your intuition. "There are some other things that happened that are too painful to mention." Only you know what those issues are, our opinions are based on what you tell us. If there is pain (heart, mind or body) involved let him go. Its time to be happy and content in our relationships. If the brother started out lying...you know the cycle.
Whats up with the text message breakup? Ok Brittany Spears. Seriously, everyone needs closure. Shocked or not I can't fathom a sane/concerned FH not calling to find out why his FW call it quits. Unless he concurs. Now would be a good time for you to perform a self analysis.
Don't know what happened with the other post...but anyway I said that I %100 agree with Pebbles. I'm am totally CONFUSED! Something just does not sound right with all of this. I agree that you need to pray and seek God's face for your own well being and peace of mind. Whatever is going on in your life....God can fix or can direct to someone to help you. Get yourself together sis....we will be praying for you.
I'll certainly pray on it. he texted me to ask if we could still talk to each ohter. I asked him about the addresses. He hasnt answered yet. I think I shouldnt tell the whole story as this is a happy place. LOL
I just found a warehouse to put all of the "Corner" sisters in. Lawd, there is just no more room in the corner. So ladies head to the warehouse!!! LOL!!!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Don't put me in no corner....just pop me a couple times and keep it movin!...lol For real though I am thoroughly confused about this. Maybe I'm slow but I just don't get it. I think there are some "internal" issues going on that may need to be addressed........and I'll leave it at that...
I'll be finished with breakfast shortly ladies. I'm sure yall KNOW what I'm thinking!!!
::in the warehouse, slaving over the stove, since Rhony allow us more space we got us some amenities over here now::
I just have one last thing say ...My ..we are sisters, and everything aint happy over here. We keep it real on this board, we don't do the galaxy talk or sugar coat stuff ...but what we say is all out of love and concern for the next NO MATTER how we feel. This forum RIGHT HERE "OFF TOPIC" is where we spill our not so happy stuff ...because as human beings and women humans at that ...everything in our lives is not so happy ALL THE TIME.
OKAY!!!! I wasnt gonna respond to this BUT Pebbles, "you took the words right outta (yes outta) my mouth. Mycenae, with all due respect, I really think you need to grow up in certain areas. This relationship was doomed from the start. Now I know he may have some issues to, but, You've had issues since the beginning that just confused the heck outta (yes outta) me. You really need to take a long look in the mirror at yourself. Sometimes we look for all the wrong reasons and put the blame on other people, when the problem is the man standing in the mirror. So, my advice to you is to take time to work on YOU. Marriage is something very serious that I just dont think you're ready to even consider right now.
We started dating again last year. I few months in he told me he had had a second child in the years that we had not spoken. I met the baby. Cool
Then I got pregnant. He acted distant when I told him and then finally said that he couldnt do this at the time. Confused and thinking I had no other option I told the baby I was sorry and I went to the abortion clinic alone one day in the rain. I sat there for hours alone and they gave me RU-486 and I went home. I was so ashamed that I wouldnt let anyone sit with me so I laid in the bed and I pulled some ginger ale and cookies near me so that I wouldnt throw up.
I spent the next twelve hours in agonizing pain and then the ex that I was still friends with called and begged to come help me.
After hours of pain I finally passed it. I saw it and I see it every day in my mind. So I cry everyday about it and I have been praying on it but at times the grief comes back. Knowing that I poisoned my child just kills me. Ive had therapy, meds, retreats and tried herbals but I cant seem to forgive myself. I think he asked me to marry him out of guilt and not love.
I found the bill of sale for his home and he and the woman bought the house. He wont answer the text I sent about the issue and I know that he is cornered now. I wont contact him again.
After my loss I renewed my faith in God and I wont be afraid. Fear is an absence of faith. I will push on. I was being disobedient and now I am paying the price.
I still think you are punishing yourself for the choice YOU made.
It's still not adding up, you said he lied about not having a child, but he told you he had a second child and YOU MET the child. And it's more that doesn't add up, and the more you tell the more it doesn't make sense.
Usually confused people confuse others trying to get them to understand their confused state of thinking.
This the best thing you said and the ONLY thing that makes ANY SENSE:
"I have my Bible and the Spirit to comfort me."
Keep with that ..and find and FORGIVE you!!! Love you, so someone else can love without any hold backs and you love them the same.
i knew he had one child but he didnt tell me when we started dating that he had two children. At his place I saw some baby things and he said they were his nephews. A few weeks later he told me and I met the baby.
I think I knew in my heart that it wasnt healthy for me and I went on with it anyway so I wasnt acting in accordance to God's will and here it is. All in plain view. I only told my sis what I found out. I am too ashamed to let anyone else know. I just feel guilty that I didnt pick a better father for the potential child. So that is why I personally cling to the Romnas verse that I sent to ieasha.
DUMB QUESTION, Why would you accept a proposal if you thought it was done out of guilt, why would you even consider being with someone you claim lied to you about something as serious as having a child, and he either told you about the child or he didn't? You gotta make up your mind here.
With that said I am sorry you had to go through that but it was a decision you made, and there are consequence's with every decision.
NO, I dont have any children yet. He said he was embarrassed that he had two children and two different mothers. I forgave him but the whole thing never added up so I started digging. I asked him if he knew a woman by the name and he said "no."
I'm so confused my brain hurts so I'll leave this alone. I do want to say though please do not use abortions as birth control. Not saying your are, or have, but know that no matter what any child you bring into this world is YOURS. Even if you're married with a "perfect" life things can happen. I was watching the Democractic Convention and listened to Joe Biden talk about losing his wife and daughter in a car accident and him being an instant single father to 2 boys. Don't make life decisions based on temporary situations. If you make a "bad" choice and create a child with a man you're not proud to have chose, deal with it. Women have and continue to daily. Like I said I don't want to seem like I'm attacking you because I'm not. It seems as if you're truly hurt by the situation so I don't think this 100% applies to you. I'm just saying you may find yourself in this situation again voluntarily or not and you really need to know and believe that what God brings you to he'll bring you through!
He told me a few months into it about the second child. I tried to forgive him but the trust was missing. I have to know that i deserve better and the time to heal is the first step in the process.
I left him a few months ago and he called and text all day long. Finally a agreed to talk to him and he showed up with the ring. But he hadnt changed much so I started to look and I found my answers. he wont reply to me so I know it is true. so, some day I will be healed and happy and be in the company of those who love me :)
This ws my first and last abortion. I took an emergency contraception pill and it didnt work. I rushed to make a decision and I was ashamed. I know you wouldnt understand because of what I did but I did love her. That's way I took the pills. I didnt want her to suffer the D & C. I kow I killed her ad Im so sorry .
I wasnt far along but I think she was. She gave me a lot of trouble and girls are hard to carry. I was tired and hungry alot. I miss not ever being able to know her. So I am trying to live a godly life so I can mether in heaven and tell her how sorry I am.
I am so sorry to hear of your test...but out of this test you do realize that you have a TESTIMONY!!!!!!!!
First and foremost, you must forgive YOURSELF! if you have turned it over to God and asked for forgiveness, then he has forgiven you...in order for you to move forward with ANY healthy relationship you must begin to love YOU again. Never having experienced this scenerio (abortion) but I have experienced losing a child, so I think at whatever the age (fetus, infant, toddler, child, teen, or adult) it is a life changing experience and I pray that those who have not been thru it never have to go thru it!
I think you do need to continue to work on you, thru your spiritual growth, continue to get therapy, and surround yourself with very positive people that loves you, cares for you and have your best interest at heart--and who can help you thru this transition;
I'm praying for you..and I think some of us hear may have pre-judged you, so forgive us for that! :)
What are we REALLY talking about here? What are we or wait a minute what should we, ok what area do we support and uplift you in??? I feel pain and confusion and misbelief (on your behalf) all through this post ...and unsure where to direct support and understanding to.
Are YOU feeling "a certain kinda way" because you are now BACK with the guy that YOU told yourself you would NEVER deal with again because you had to go to the abortion clinic alone in the rain, then sit for hours with ginger ale and cookies in pain while you poison yalls child? Now you need a reason to get out of this whole situation again because you said you would never put yourself in this place after the first situation?
Evidently we are concerned in some kind of way for you to get the responses you got ...BUT you gotta keep it real with us. We really don't know where to direct prayer. And if you don't wanna tell us what's really good, do you prefer us to just lift your name ...screw the situation/s?
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