I am lost. I have friends from high school, college, and some associates from work. I also have two nieces that are basically my age and FH has a sister who is way older that I. I have my heart set on my girl from college being my MOH and I let it slip already when I was talking about dresses. lol. How did you guys decide? did you go one attitude alone or expectations. I want my girl to be my MOH and I plan to ask his sister to be a bridesmaid because it is polite. i think I will have between 4-5 bridesmaids.
Posts: 1820
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/13/2008 11:48 AM
We decided to keep it very simple....So we did my sister and my best friend...My best friend's husband, and my DH's brother....If we had done more I probably would have added my DH's sister and my brother too, but I am glad we went with family and very close friends...
One word of advice..and anyone else may want to agree or present a different point of view, but I think it may be easier to use people who actually live in the town you live in. My SIL who lived in TX had the wedding in my city, but me and my sister were the only ones living here. Her other BM's were way out of town! So of course she had to mail all of us dresses that she picked and we couldn't try on, as well as very expensive shoes no one could wear...And her so-called best friends and sister who were also BM's didn't pay me back as they agreed for all the $$ I spent being the only one here to plan her shower...And had the nerve to shoot down all my ideas for a venue, even though I was fronting the money....(which 2 still owe me for!)...so it just seems easier to have your girls with you so you can closely monitor them....and let them try on the clothes and shoes because I have a 60.00 pair of shoes I can't do anything with....They are too strappy, and too high! sorry to vent! But thats just MHO.
Thank you. Everyone lives here. I just want no drama when I pick. Last time my sister throw a tantrum over it and I am not having it this time. I just want plan and simple. I want to enjoy my bridal party. lol
I dont have many girlfriends. I haven't been in a clique since high school so I'm using my cousins, my aunt, and my lil' sister. I still keep in touch with my old high school girlfriends; In fact, was a bridesmaid for one of them last year. I was only in her party because I was there when she first met her man, we honestly grown apart since then.
Although our bridal party went through a few changes, we basically chose people who were really close to us as a couple. My bridesmaids consisted of my teenage daughter, a cousin, a friend since grade school,and my Godsister who happens to be my sister in law as well. My maid of honors were my best friend and a cousin who is more like a sister to me. The groomsmen consisted of my cousin, his cousin, and two of his friends. His best men were his brother and my brother.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Posts: 1885
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/14/2008 10:06 AM
Mycenae, I gave it a lot of thoughts when it came to choosing my bridal party. I have a huge bridal party. I chose members of my family and FH's family and our friends and children of our friends. I think that it's best to choose those that have impacted your life positively.
There's nothing that said that you must choose family members. What if those members were very nightmarish to you? I say choose those whom you know will offer you much support. Choose your bridal party very carefully because they will be those that you'll rely on to help out. Choose those that are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that go along with being in a bridal party.
Hey Mycenae, I choose my bridal party by their significance in our lives. My sister and best friend were my MOHs. My chilhood friend, and neice were my brides maids. My daughter was my "princess brides maid". I wanted her to have a title that allowed her to stand out. My husband chose his groomsmen on the same premises.
Unfortunately, even though these were my family and closest friends there was still drama. Sometimes it can't be avoided, it all depends on how you handle yourself through it.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
How do you hanlde the idea that feelings may be hurt. I want my two nieces and my friend and I my future SIL. I want to ask a few childhood pals to sing, hostess, etc. How do you handle people asking why they werent included. I dont want to hurt anyone but I am not sure how many places I will have.
Posts: 396
From: St. Thomas, VI now residing in Baltimore
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/15/2008 10:50 AM
I always knew who I wanted in my bridal party...my two younger sisters as bridesmaids and my best friend from college as my MOH. Unfortunately, my best friend lives in NY and was job-searching at the time, so it would have been difficult for her to be in the wedding even with my help. At first it was hard for her to tell me so, but as it was crunch time, I told to just be honest about it all. I said I would miss her participation, but that I would understand if she couldn't do it. I said that the most important thing was that I would be marrying the love of my life. She finally admitted she couldn't be MOH. So, I decided to make my 2 sisters my "Ladies of Honor." My husband had 3 close friends from his school days, but since one had a very pregnant wife and couldn't travel, he decided to go with just 2 of his friends. So it ended up being 2 and 2 instead of 3 and 3, which was great as it was a small wedding anyway. I know I definitely wanted to keep our wedding and the wedding party small and simple so as not having to deal with too much expense or drama...and it was important that my party be people who are close to me. I didn't get any drama at all from my sisters, and I wasn't expecting any. They were just supportive and glad to be there. One sister was in California and the other was in my city. So when I went to the bridal store, the sister with me was able to try on her dress, and I brought my other sister's measurements. Both were ordered and taken to St. Thomas. This worked fine for us.
I considered having a ring bearer and flower girl as well since I had one young male cousin that I knew well. However, I don't know my young female cousin and didn't see the purpose of having her in the wedding just to say we had a flower girl. My mother was even telling me about 2 little girls who are daughters of one of her friends, but I don't know the friend or the girls. So, we went back to keeping things simple and streamlined.
I had my 1 best friend, who has been with me since elementary school and my other best friends from highschool years and then MOH was my last best friend that came during my first job outside of school, I also had my 2 closest cousins and my SIL. My guy cousin was a groomsmen. DH had all of his childhood friends and his brother as the GM
I chose based on significance also:
MOH was my church member who has become a really close friend; she was chosen because we lean and depend on each other alot as we continue to grow spiritually
BM's were my cousin and niece who both have made a great impact on my life in the last few years
FG was my niece
BB was my son
my little cousins were the hostess and bell ringer-again they have been very instrumental in my life change
FH pretty much chose his on the same basis, Best Man was his childhood friend (which I thought was wonderful...to have a true friend for 30+ yrs) that he keeps in daily contact with, his nephews and my uncle who he developed a great bond with since we have been together.
I did have some people that were upset about not being a part of it, but I had to let it roll off my back...since it was mostly family that was involved with my wedding, that was a real easy out with my "friends" (LOL)
One thing you must learn when planning YOUR wedding. You can't please everyone. It's your day and you must learn early on to do things your way and don't feel guilty about it. People may be hurt, but you must stand your ground and let them know that it is not your intention to hurt anyone.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I do stand my ground and I want the people who I think will work best. I think I want to ask my two nieces and a friend from college. I plan to ask a few friends from high school to sing and be usher, etc. I will see. My first step is to book a venue, pick a theme and meet up with my coordinator. Thanks.
I've told my two cousins and aunt that I wanted them to be bridesmaids. They accepted. Then I e-mailed them a picture of my MOH sister in one of their dresses and I haven't heard back. It only had been a week, but I'm still nervous as to what they are going to say. I've been putting off calling them.
Aw Mycenae. I'm not recipricating a bridesmaid role to my friend, but having a sister involved is expected among the guest. However, she must have ticked you off big time while you were in her wedding party. Was it really that bad?
Posts: 1820
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/17/2008 07:00 PM
I think that you will be surprised how understanding people can be, and how people can totally wig out. As long as you understand that these things happen, and you prepare yourself for this ahead of time, if the time comes, you can handle any confrontation (if it evn comes to that) with a calm and cool head.....Even the people you want to participate may wig out, so you need to prepare for them too. Having all expectations said from the beginning can put the responsibility in everyone's hand, and they can never say.."I didn't know that."
Posts: 1885
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/18/2008 10:52 AM
Mycenae, I don't know what happened that you don't want your sister to share in your wonderful day with you, but know that even if she were a bridezilla on her day, you must try to understand that not everyone handle stress in a positive way. Sometimes we're so focus on making sure that every detail goes perfectly that we take our friends and family for granted, thinking that they'll always be there for us no matter what.
Did you pray before you took the decision to exclude your sister from your bridal party? Don't make any rash decision, pray first and wait on God's answer. If in the end, you still want to exclude her, then you should sit her down and talk to her openly without hurting her feelings. Again, I don't know what's between you two sisters, but try and mend the fences. You want your day to be as drama free as possible.
No, it wasn't how she acted as a bride. I was very young as she is 14 or so years younger than I am. I wasnt the best bridesmaid back then. She daughters my nieces are my age and I want them to be in my wedding.
My sister is a drama queen and very hard to handle. I was going to put all four of her children in my event until she throw a tantrum about not being in it. Also, I will have to pay for my nieces and that means I would have to pay for her also. I wanted her to tend to my ill mother during the wedding. My other sister was happy to either be a hostess or to give me away.
I could tell by the tantrum that she would make things about her. When I was MOH, I never voiced a personal or "me" issue to the bride. the dresses she picked looked nice on her sisters but not me. I said I look like a whale but if this is what you want I will wear it!
She let me pick a more flattering style. I was there for my bride, when they had an argument, when there was a rough day at work, and I got the garter, slippers, and a cute purse for her. I even bought extra accessories in case someone need earring. She ended up wearing them. And it looked beautiful. I had lipstick and lip liner. I want bridesmaids like me. She begged me not to buy another thing for her and I ignored her! lol
Everyone is not like you ...we are all different. If that's what you are looking for ...maybe you shouldn't have a party at all. Just you and your FI. If you expect people to act like you did ...you will only disappoint yourself.
I expect people to be who they are. I have seen how she acts and I dont want the drama. I would like for her to truly help and tend to my mom. If she wants to support me than she will do that. If not than I will be fine with her just being a guest. But, I am not prepared to pay for all four of her children's outfits and hers as well.
I will pay for my nieces and my mom.
She kept screaming that "she is supposed to be my MOH." I told that you do not ask for a place in a wedding. You graciously accept or decline the one offered. I want to enjoy my bridal party and I am selecting people who will enjoy being with me and each other that day.
i dont want slaves and it's not about the money. It's the attitude. I want to have fun and enjoy them. I want to take the to a bridesmaid luncheon and laugh. That's how I picture it. NOt with her acting out ALL the time.
If that's what you expect her to do then she'll do just that (in your mind). Your decision is made, your heart is set on your girl from college being your MOH. Go with it.
I am okay with her reaction. If she throws a fit than I will still invite her and my BIL. Im going to pray on it and make a final decision who to ask soon.
I wasnt going to ask the bride because she is newly married and their hearts are set on buying a home in a year. I wanted her just to be able to focus on being married as the first year is soooo hard. Dont want to burden her. Im going to attend some home buying events with her and sending her all the info I can find.
Im going to announce that they have just passed the year mark at my reception.
I kept it REALLY simple. Just had my cousin as my Man of Honor and brother as Usher and Best Man. And it wasn't like I asked them to be...lol...I told them-LMAO
well I did not have my sister as a party participant and I didn't even ask because I knew her answer would be "no" :) but she did read the memorial tribute which is right up her alley of things she love doing...but she was very much involved in every aspect of the wedding and to me played a very important role and I acknowledged her as such--but I agree with some of the other ladies mycenae1918-your day, your way but just make sure the decision you make does not cause more issues after the wedding...remember a wedding is for a day-A VERY IMPORTANT DAY mind you, so you deserve to be happy, but after that day-you still need family...
LOL. you are funny. I am going to think on it because I want my girls from high school to have a part also. I was thinking one who sings might want to sing a song> just ideas. I want to try to include folks and have a good time.
Posts: 385
From: virginia beach, VA (hometown and wedding in NYC)
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/19/2008 11:58 AM
I had every single one of my first cousins in my wedding party it's only 5 of them 2 boys and 3 girls. I also had 2 of my second cousins as bridesmaids. MY DH had 1 of his cousin as a groomman also. the rest was very close friends My matron and my maid are like sisters to me even though they don't get along they still both did a good job.
Thats great that they were able to still be helpful to you. I am pretty much decided. I cant wait to really start planning. did you have anyone ask why thay had no place in your wedding?
Posts: 385
From: virginia beach, VA (hometown and wedding in NYC)
Re: how did you chose you bridal party?
Posted on: 08/19/2008 04:09 PM
No I think everyone who would have had a problem was in my wedding. But 1 friend who was suppose to be a guest didn't come because when I first asked her to be in the wedding she said no but then turned around and got mad because she wasn't in it.
Oh, Im sorry to hear that. She will more than likely regret it. I think it's an honor to be asked. I would only decline if I couldnt afford it. Weddings are stressful. I like to see people get married and have wedding so I am on board. I have colors and all picked out when I was engaged years ago. I was soooooo excited. This time I am more cautions though.
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