Posts: 385
From: virginia beach, VA (hometown and wedding in NYC)
Groomsmen?
Posted on: 03/27/2008 11:24 PM
I am new to the site but the information you ladies has been a big a help already in my wedding planning. Thanks
My wedding is August 9, 2008 and one of our GM hasn't showed up to any meetings and he has yet to get fitted for his tux. I want my FH to tell him don't worry about being in the wedding but he can still come to the ceremony. It's been two since and FH still hasn't contacted him. He says that he doesn't want to ruin a friendship but if he is really his friend wouldn't he be more active. Is it mean to tell someone you no longer want them in your wedding?
Welcome to the site Mrs 080908! You are describing a simalir problems vibrides talk about on the boards. Why don't you let your groomsmen know that you're concerned and need to see more effort from him. Give him a week or so to make a change and if he doesn't, then he can't blame you for changing his status from participant to guest.
Posts: 1820
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: Groomsmen?
Posted on: 03/28/2008 06:53 AM
Welcome Mrs080908!
With these weddings, the only one who will have it together is YOU! Don't even expect people to fall in line right away! As a man, they are likely to drag their feet, so I wouldn't devote too many brain cells to it right now. You have plenty of time, unlike the Bridesmaids dresses where time is limited. I would go ahead and talk to him, but don't threaten to drop him. He may be going through something right now, and you don't want to feel silly. I've had people go MIA on me only to find out they had a medical emergency with themselves or loved one, or I even learned a close friend of mine was a little jealous, and she just sat back a little, but she came back around. In the meantime I'm all pissed and there my friends were suffering alone, so lets not jump to conclusions in the meantime:)
We see this a lot on this site, but most people come back around. You still have a few months....Give it time.
But just understand, no one is really going to be as active or as excited enough for you as the bride and groom (sometimes the groom goes MIA mentally too) so with that understanding, be the leader and queen you are and sit back, wait for things to pan out, and see.
I ditto 100% what Bumble said! now if it gets to be about June and he is still MIA-then get concerned because obviously he is not too interested in participating so let him know there is a lovely seat assigned to him in the audience!
Posts: 1885
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: Groomsmen?
Posted on: 03/28/2008 08:58 AM
You've received great advice in what both Bumble and Soon has said. You have plenty of time and he may see it the same way. Men are babies, well, some of them anyway. He may feels that he has plenty of time to take care of his tux since the wedding is in August. Now, by the end of June, if nothing still happens, then I would be concerned and talk to him calmly, but you really have nothing to worry about just yet.
Congrats on your big day and welcome to the sisterhood.
Welcome Mrs080908. Unfortunately, your story is all too familiar when it comes to wedding planning. Be grateful its a groomsmen acting up and not a bridesmaid because as Bumble eluded to, getting fitted for a tux doesn't require nearly as much time in advance as does a bridesmaid dress. If your wedding is in August he really does have some time. Give it to mid May before you decide to remove/replace him.
Like the other ladies have said, NO ONE is going to be as excited or active as you think they should because although your day is important and friends want to be there beside you in support, life doesn't stop in the meantime and everyone's priorities will shift from time to time throughout your planning. Speak to him in a couple of weeks, offering him a chance to step down without any hard feelings. If he sounds shaky when approached then give him a date he must be fitted by and let him know that if he doesn't follow through, you will need to make other arrangements but would still love for him to come and celebrate the day with you.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
FH still has one groomsman that didnt get his tux yet and we did know that he was going thru some financial situations and he told FH he was getting everything last week and still nothing, so he is now out. FH just got his suit and all his accessories 2 weeks ago. It drove me crazy, he figured since it was on hold that he could wait till the last minute. So I agree with the ladies, give him some time to come around then later on if still nothing then you handle it from there.
Welcome Mrs080908,
Looks like you're received all the advice you need ;)
Great advice ladies.. I'll keep that in mind. I always find myself having to tone down my excitement because nobody is as excited as FH and I. Lol
Posts: 1820
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: Groomsmen?
Posted on: 04/02/2008 08:23 AM
You had to do what you had to do with that one, especially since you are less than 2 weeks away now. And you can't help him. Mrs080908, I think the Tuxes can be ready up to 3 days before the wedding, but who wants to wait that close to see? Especially if you need to decide on a replacement. But always have a backup plan so if you do have to do what Shy did, everything will still be smooth. Either way the wedding is happening anyways, no matter who drags their feet, hesitates, does or doesn't show up...It doesn't matter.
I'm so scared of my man's GM's falling through on getting tuxes that I have decided for them to just use whatever black suits they may have while we purchase their ties. All black suits look the same to me anyway.
I'm just trying to avoid as much drama and procrastination as possible. All of the guys have a black suit in their closets, so I'm going to roll with it.
Butterbean you should ask to see the suit they plan to wear beforehand. You really don't want any surprises. You could end up with one person wearing a black satin suit, another in black tweed and another sporting black polyester. Wouldn't be a good look.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Posts: 385
From: virginia beach, VA (hometown and wedding in NYC)
Re: Groomsmen?
Posted on: 10/06/2008 02:16 AM
Well we ended having to pay for the tux of 1 of the GM, Me and DH took \most of the tuxes back ourselves but we recently found out the GM whose tux we paid for never returned his tux.
Butterbean definitely take a look at their suits the last thing you are gonna want is to have someone up their with a suit that they call black but you would call ashy. It will not be a good look and you want everything to be perfect on your day.
And the people said Amen. Unfortunately, sometimes drama can't be avoided, but you must remember that this is your wedding. Don't let anyone compromise your wishes for your own wedding. All the best Butterbean!!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Butterbean,
I agree with Pamcrow. Try as hard as possible to get the guys uniformed. Think about your pictures. Think about how much time and effort you've put into planning and making this day special for you and FH. I say "DONT COMPROMISE"
LOL I got the biggest eyeroll from FH after he tried on a tan suit and I told him that I liked him better in black.
None of them are going to come out looking like John Witherspoon. LOL I know them and seen all but his friend in their black suits before. It's really not that big of a deal and it would take a load off our plates.
Posts: 1885
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: Groomsmen?
Posted on: 10/08/2008 09:03 AM
Butterbean, I must admit that I am with Pamcrow on this one. If you choose to go with the all black suit to avoid drama on the part of your GMs, then by all means, have a getting to know you party and ask them to bring their suits with them. You really cannot afford any surprises on your wedding day. You do want them to be somewhat uniformed so that your pictures could come out well. So don't feel embarassed about asking, just ask and this will be a huge check off your list. Keep a smile on your face and when that fails, try a margarita!!!
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