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mrsmoose091308
Super Diva
Posts: 163
From: Philly
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Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 05:53 PM
Hey Ladies......
New issue........
My matron of honor has lost her job and has been depressed about things, tuition for her son, bills, ect.. Right now she is not concerned with my wedding, (which I totally understand). My wedding is not until 9/13/08, but we all know that will be her before you know it. I've planned a bridal party meet-n-greet for next month and she says that she will not be able to make due to financial reasons. She and her daughter are in the wedding. My question is, should I be nervous or just let things work itself out? Because the reality of it all she may not be able to be in the wedding.
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housewife147
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Posts: 2421
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 06:41 PM
Like you said you have a while before your wedding. What I would do is ask her before the meeting if she thinks she will still be able to be in my wedding and handle all of the duties that the moh is suppose to handle. If she says yes, then give it a try. I would inform her that I would completely understand if she dont think she could do it. I would rather her mention it now, then later.
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MsBoston
Super Diva
Posts: 688
From: Boston, MA
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 07:13 PM
Why is it that she can't attend the meet and greet? Did I miss something, does it cost money to meet and greet? I mean I understand things are rough for her right now, but once the excuses start flying, IMO it usually goes downhill from there. BEWARE, and heed the advise of HW147, flat out ask her, and do not assume, or you'll be sorry!!
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FutureMrsKeepUp
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Posts: 1870
From: Chicago, IL
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 07:35 PM
I was thinking the same thing as Boston. Is the meet-n-greet at a restaurant? You know your girl. Like hw said, ask her!
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Ginoue
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Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 07:40 PM
I wouldn't freak just yet. Is she actively looking for another employment. She could find another job pretty soon.
Does she live in the same town as you? I don't understand why she cannot attend the meet and greet. She wouldn't have to spend anything otherwise. Usually, the cost is on the couple for the meet-n-greet (ie food, beverages, etc...) I must've missed something as well, but why can't she attend?
http://kerlimpsandmicka.weddingannouncer.com/
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housewife147
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Posts: 2421
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 07:45 PM
When we have meetings at my house I usually purchase food and drinks for everyone. But we usually go out to eat after our meetings so it is every man or woman in this case for themselves.
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MsBoston
Super Diva
Posts: 688
From: Boston, MA
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 08:38 PM
Honestly msmoose I thionk If she really wanted to come, she could. Even if it is at a resturant, who says she needs to sit up there and order all types of steak and shrimp. After all, it's not about the food, it's about getting to know one another...Right?
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housewife147
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Posts: 2421
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 08:43 PM
I say just talk to her first. I am quite sure all of the bridal party will not be at all of the meetings anyway, and I am sure she has a valid reason.
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mrsmoose091308
Super Diva
Posts: 163
From: Philly
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 09:59 PM
The Meet-n-greet will be at my house. She lives right around the corner from my house. It's not like she has to pay for anything. I did ask everyone to bring a dish or bottle if they could, however my FH & I are providing food and drinks. She is actively looking for employment. she never said her reason for not being able to attend. I don't want to turn into crazed bridezilla. I think that I am just going to ask her and not drag this out.
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housewife147
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Posts: 2421
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 10:26 PM
Yeah I think that would be the best thing to do. Just sit her down and talk to her like you would talk to your sister. I think she would respect you for that. I think that if you have a negative attitude about the situation, or talk to her rudely it will only put fuel on the situation. Remember she is your friend before anything.
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soon2bmsj
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Posts: 2454
From: T-E-X-A-S
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/21/2007 10:44 PM
I agree; talk to her and see how she feels...with your wedding being 1 yr away..it is still plenty of time 4 things to turn around..and I am not saying 1 yr away in a negative way...i still get that from people and it burns me up!! them: your wedding is not until next yr-y r u planning so early? me: duh...wedding is in '08 but just in case we are living in the same world, that is only 6 mnths away...
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Rosetta
Site Admin
Posts: 1689
From: Vibride Shop
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 08:28 AM
mrsmoose091308: She is just embarrassed. Buying her stuff for her would be a great thing to do but don't make it a big deal or like it's charity. She is your friend and happy for you. She is just going through a really hard time and seeing lots of money flashing around will obviously get her down. She will bounce back long before your wedding day. :)
[quote="soon2bmsj"them: your wedding is not until next yr-y r u planning so early? me: duh...wedding is in '08 but just in case we are living in the same world, that is only 6 months away...
soon2bmsj: AMEN
Great advice all of you! And welcome to those I haven't given a shout out too as yet.
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FutureMrsKeepUp
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1870
From: Chicago, IL
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 08:33 AM
Good point Rosey. I guess I've been grinding for so long that I forget other people may take job loss hard. I use it as motivation - God moved something out of my way to make room for something else!
Try to see where her head is with a sit down before the meet-n-greet. If she's worried about not bringing a dish work with her while not offending - "Girl FH and have bought so much food it doesn't make sense! Come on over and eat, drink, and be merry!"
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Ginoue
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 10:24 AM
Great advice, Future
http://kerlimpsandmicka.weddingannouncer.com/
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mrsmoose091308
Super Diva
Posts: 163
From: Philly
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 04:20 PM
Thanks Ladies,
I acutally spoke to her today. She is feeling down becuase it seems as if a job is not coming through fast enough. I used FMKP motivation line, and I let her know that something better will come her way. Trust me I lost a good job right before Christmas but got a better on in March so I know the struggle. But in the mean time, I did offer to pay for her gown so the burden would be less on her. She told me if she does not find a job by Feb. she would need my help. God willing i will be able to do so.
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Ginoue
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 06:04 PM
God bless you mrsmoose. You ladies are awesome!!!
http://kerlimpsandmicka.weddingannouncer.com/
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FutureMrsKeepUp
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1870
From: Chicago, IL
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 08:21 PM
That's great news mrsmoose! So happy to hear a friendship wasn't ruined over a wedding. I am still surprised at how much that happens.
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soon2bmsj
Vibride Queen
Posts: 2454
From: T-E-X-A-S
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/22/2007 10:48 PM
I agree with the other ladies..it is good that u guys were able to talk, and I hope that the conversation helped u relieve some of ur anxiety
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Ginoue
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/25/2007 12:23 AM
Another reason why I love this site!!!
http://kerlimpsandmicka.weddingannouncer.com/
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renee42861
Awesome Member
Posts: 28
From: Upstate, South Carolina
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/25/2007 12:41 AM
I think you should let things work themselves out. You've got a while till the wedding and is she can't make the meet and greet it may be due to her current emotional state.Sometimes when a person is depressed they don't feel like socializing. Talk to her as a friend about that. As for the MOH duties,don't start stressing!It's way too early for that.In fact, don't stress at all. She should have another job way before then and her financial and emotional state will be much better. If things aren't turned around by March (6 mos before) ask her if she'll be able to handle the duties. If not, accept, understand and do what you have to do. Also, if she's your friend and a sensible woman she'll do the right thing and tell you whether she can or can't without your questioning it. But for now, just be a friend with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on if she needs it.
What God has joined together let no man put asunder...
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Bumblebeekee
Vibride Queen
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
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Re: Matron of honor issue
Posted on: 08/25/2007 10:57 AM
I think the ladies here have made very valid points. I do think because your wedding is not for a year (9/13/08 right? if I read the inital post right...), then you can chill. You will know for sure if she cannot be in it by March of Next year (6 months before the wedding) when you have to start really deciding on the dresses. Its very likely that she will be able to buy her own dress...so I wouldn't offer to buy hers until its very obvious 8-9 months from now that she just can't afford it AND you just HAVE to have HER as your Matron of Honor. As far as the meet and greet, encourage her to come and attend. Tell her no $$ needed, just her face in the place.
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