Do you have reservations about changing your last name.
I'm just saying, I don't hate my soon-to-be new last name, I just have had mine for my whole life.
I'm a Howard and will be a Mitchell guess things could be worse huh?
I'm in the same boat KeepUp. My last name is VERY unique and I love it, and when I get married, I'm going to be a JOHNSON...It's a huge change, but I'm excited. But I love my pumpkin pie (FH) so much that I feel honored to have his last name.
Hey ladies, it is up to you. I decided to change my last name because my husband and I had a child together and I wanted the three of us to have the same last name. I know a lot of people who hyphenate their names or simply continue to use their maiden names.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I was thinking about this too, we just went yesterday to get our marriage license and the lady at the office told us what I needed to do to change my name. My name is Franky Howard, his last name is Riley. I think it just sounds better that I have it as Franky Howard-Riley, opposed to jut Franky Riley....but I heard it can be a issue sometime's hyphenating your name...
I would love to keep mine or maybe even give him mine....LOL I know he won't have that!
Can you imagine having to sign checks/fill out forms, and having to write all 3+ names because it's hyphenated.
Would you want to be called Mrs.Howard-Riley or Mrs.Riley?
I'm having my name hyphenated because I don't want my son to feel "left out". I will sign most docs though as just my married name. School papers and such, hyphenated.
I'm practicing the new signature too. My problem is that I am not great at writing J in cursive. It's kinda akward to me, but I guess I have to get over that and work it now huh? :)
I feel like i'm darned if i do, darned if i don't. My maiden name is hyphenated and people think that means they can use whichever one they like. My married name is verrry unique because FH is African. I figure it's out of the frying pan, into the fire. And . . . I have been practicing my signature since i met him.
LOL! I don't think I would mind signing all three names...I just thought it sounded better..but I don't know chil'....if it's drama getting it done....I'll just stick with his last name...
I struggled with this question for months before getting married, not saying anything to anyone. Nothing wrong with his last name, it's just that I've been me for 36 years, I have my father's last name which is also very unique and because my dad side of family is so small, giving up the name felt like I was making it even smaller. I finally mentioned the thought of keeping my last name 3 days before going to get the marriage license. His first reaction was "If you don't want to change your name, why marry me" but then he was like "whatever". I did take his name "Harris" but it's VERY hard getting used to it.
Yes I practiced the signature once I realized he was the one, even practiced it out loud a couple times to hear how it sounded, smiling all the while. Now that it's official, I actually am Pamela Harris, it's weird. I know I have a tendency sometimes to take the "Ms. Independent, Strong Black Women" thing to the extreme at times but I almost feel as if I lost something, a sense of betrayal somehow.
Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE being married but If one more person yells "Mrs. Harris" with so much joy and excitment in their voice, I might throw up. Like Mary J said in her song "I'm just Mary", well "I'm just Pam" and Pam just happens to be married.
Wow, that was like therapy....Thanks ladies!!!
Did anyone else feel this way after getting married? I guess it just takes some time getting used to it.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
WOW PAM! How long have you been holding that in! I don't think it'll be a problem for me. My son has his father's last name so I'm always Mrs. Hall at his school. Then I'm Mrs. Jones at my daughter's daycare. That's one reason I'll be glad when the marriage happens - There's too many names in my house! After the wedding it'll just be Jones and Hall.
(BTW - my son has already asked me to take my maiden name off the mailbox because "When you and dad get married you'll be a Jones and there's no need for the other name." Seven today sure is different than when I was seven!)
Okay, I'm a Jones, soon to be Franklin and like others have practiced writing it and it just don't feel the click when I use my "first" name, but I guess that's something I'll just have to get used to. My son, not his child, will be thrilled with it cause they share the same last name.
I like the way my name flows with FH last name. My first and last names are both VERY unique. It will be a nice change to have people at least be able to say my last name properly. People have been jacking my name up since birth. While I love my name maiden name, it will be kinda cool to not have to tell people how to pronounce my last name.
I feel you..all.
Who would have thought it was such a big thing. It's like you're one person your whole life, and then receive the great blessing called marriage and seem to loose you identity. I mean that not at all in a bad way, but it's just wierd. Well as you ladies have said, I guess you just have to get used to it.
OMG, I thought I was alone in this. I have NEVER voiced this to anyone before. But, one day I was thinking, OMG, I'm not going to be a Mallory anymore! And y'all, I cried and cried!!! Then, I was like, am I hormonal right now? What in the heck is wrong with me? But, my and FH's families are totally different!!!! And I just want to stay a Mallory. But, FH was not hearing it! After a while, it sank in that I will ALWAYS be a Mallory, no matter what my last name!
I would love to have my FH last name (Callahan) but my family thinks that I should hyphenate it to keep some of my independence. I really don't know what to do, We do have a son who has my last name so I was going to hyphenate it until we finish getting his name changed. But then my name would be super long...Nina Kendrick-Callahan...I also will be graduating college next year & don't know what to put on the degree...so many decisions... I've practiced 2 and it looks just as long as it does here...lol! But I need 2 decide soon b/c I get married in 7 days!
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Getting Married 2 the Man of My Dreams, On the Day of My Dreams 07.07.07
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 06/30/2007 07:37 AM
I was fine with changing my last name to Gaskin....It used to be Montgomery, so moving up the alphabet a few letters was cooland hypehanting it was not an option because its would have been just too too long. Its a VERY big deal to my husband too. He was like oh make sure you change all your bills and credit cards and all that....One bank still has not given me the new card so he jokes that I am using my maiden name fraudulently.
About graduation in August, well I worked so hard for my Masters degree I decided (aftermuch thought) that I would go old-school, and since its popular with newly married college grads to drop their middle name and use the maiden name as the middle and the new last name...so I've decided to do that for my degree. So my degree will have my first name, then Montgomery Gaskin (no hyphens)....but when I did the offical name change on my SS card and my new license, I dropped my maiden name totally....It was important for me to have my birth last name on my degree, but my husband had been there for me during those trying times so I think it was a good compromise.
Diva, if you want to be a Callahan, then be a Callahan. Changing your last name won't make you any less independant. Although family is important, this is a decision for YOU to make. Although a name is a part of who you are, it doesn't have to change who you are or where you come from. Have you asked your family why they are concerned about you changing your last name? Maybe they just don't want to feel like they are losing you. Let them know that no matter what your name is, you will still be the person you are and that you are going to be just as much a piece of them as you were before.
As far as the degree goes, I agree with Bumblebee. I will probably try to do my first middle and hyphenated last name on my degree to honor my whole family even though I don't plan on hyphenating my last name in every other aspect of my life.
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 11/16/2007 09:21 AM
Mine did too....but I think that its okay to keep your last name if you want. In many eastern cultures, the woman keeps her last name...like some Muslims, and Chinese and Japanese cultures. At least the people of those cultures that I know. In many cultures, many people take the father's first name AS the last name of the child, while the wife keeps her surname....But I think its not a big deal...many of my professors who married after getting a PhD kept their last names (so its always surprise to meet their husbands-with a different last name!).....I probably would have too.
This is my second marriage, and I still have my first married name because of the kids, BUT I ABSOLUTELY HATE EVERY LETTER OF IT (ok and who I got it from)
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 11/16/2007 10:18 AM
Girl, I would have gone straight back to my maiden name ASAP honey....No need to drag it out is what I say....but I can understand why you kept it, like for the kids, or to minimize the headache of doing it all over again!
Right JUST for the kids, boy what we do for them ...my mother and I have different names while I was in school ...so I did it different for them...they understand I'm getting married, and don't mind the name change ..my daughter even asked could hers be changed too ...LOL (I know how she feels)
Since I have the name of a famous actress, I'm keeping my name but I will be hyphenating my FH's last name. We haven't talked about it but I'm sure he won't have a problem with it. He shouldn't anyway...
I am glad we are discussing this topic. I need some advice. My FH and I have discussed this and I decided I was going to keep my last name because of our children. I have three beautiful girls my youngest two are with my FH. My last name is Baker and my oldest daughter is Baker- Jones (Jones is the sperm donor's name, I dislike him with a passion) anyway my two youngest are Baker - Hankins. So there for I was going to keep my last name, but I was thinking once they are older and married they will all probably drop there last names and take their husbands...Should I just take Hankins and drop my last name, I was keeping it because I remember when I was little my mother got married not to my biological father who's last name is Butler and my moms last name was Gray (after she married) and I just remember having to explain to my peers why my last name was different than my parents..sorry for the long email..
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 11/25/2007 02:24 PM
DO whatever you are comfortable with...If you think they's understand, talk to your kids about it...or at least your oldest daughter and get her take on it....Kids are actually pretty understanding....especially if its something that will make mom happy!
Funny! FH and I had this conversation this a.m.; I told him I wanted to hyphenate my name and he looked at me REAL funny (because my son is not his child and has his daddy's last name which is different from mine anyway) then he said, hey that's cool...atlease you got good credit with your last name now so keep it!! WTF???? he was laughing when he said it, but he did make a good point!!!!!!! :) so my name will be loooonnnngggg but I am still going to hypenate! :)
I have already changed my last name to my husbands, and i was looking forward to moving up in the alphabet from woodward to cameron. But other than that, i guess i'm a little old fashioned and really believe in two becoming one, including having the same name. It is still a little weird though using my married name, sometimes i feel like an imposter.
I thought I was the only one having issues with FH last name. I want to hyphen mine because of my son and because of professional reasons. FH does not like the idea at all but I am not sure how to make him understand. His family does not believe in female pastors/preachers so taking his last name is not something I really want to do.
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 11/26/2007 12:47 PM
nhamer...good to see you again. I understand the whole thing about wating to hyphenate. While it is a personal decision, I think whatever you decide is okay. As far as his family, I can understand that too. But they have to realize that God never makes mistakes on the people HE "emphasis on HE" calls to do his work and send his message. And if they have a problem, I would invite them to ask God what HE thinks....That being said, a name is a name....in many cultures...even muslim cultures, the wife's surname stays the same and the children takes on either the wife's surname or the father's...depending on how the familys decide or the tradition...I am saying that because while we put such a big emphasis on names, I wouldn't let it be a hindering factor to peace between you and your FH....As far as children, they will understand (if you decided to change)....the professional issues are a personal one...People outside the relationship will do their best to hinder it if they have personal issues...but who cares about them???? Continue to have a talk with your FH...and if he's like my husband, he's not gonna budge but big deal! I don't budge on certain issues either and thats life....If you didn't hyphenate, you are still a professional powerhouse, and it changes nothing but your signature...I decided do my MS degree old school by dropping my middle name and using my maiden as my middle, and putting my new married name last...My SS card has my real middle name and new last name....But thats me....it changed nothing for me personally, and its okay...When I get my PhD, I may do the same with that degree too....But I'm still me....just my 2, 3, ok 4 cents.
Before I got married, I asked my hubby if it'd be okay if I used my maiden name on my degree (as homage to my dad). Of course, he didn't mind, but we've been married a year (almost) and my husband's last name is a part of who I am. So when that time rolls around, I'll be using my maiden name as my middle name, instead of my actual middle name on my degree. Thanks for the idea, Bee!
I'm a married woman as of December 2, 2006.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He shall give you all the desires of your heart.-Psalm 37:4
That is a good idea Bumblebee. We are getting married in March, and I am receiving my Master's degree in May, so I have been questioning what name I will use on my degree. Your idea to drop your middle name was a really good one, and I never even thought of it. I may have to borrow this one from ya:)
Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 12/12/2007 08:15 PM
So Tiffy, what will your new last name be?
Turiya ~ I'm so loving the new last name!!!
As for me, French parents give their children very long names to begin with and my name is already super long and I don't know what I should do. Now my diplomas all have my extremely long name including my maiden name. Does this mean that I should hyphenate? Please advise.
Currently, all my diplomas read: Fortune Mickaela Genevieve Calixte
Now, when I marry my sweety, my new name would be: Fortune Mickaela Genevieve Calixte-Boudreau, should I hyphenate.
Posts: 1807
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 12/12/2007 09:26 PM
COngrats on the engagement.....as far as hyphenating, it only matters if its important for you to hold on to your maiden name....if it doesn't then I wouldn't hyphenate....For me, my brother will be carrying on the family name...
Ginoue my new last name will be Turner. Tiffany Levonna Turner! I don't plan to hyphenate my name. So i must agree with Bumblebee, unless it is really important for you to hold on to your maiden name, I wouldn't hyphenate either.
I am keeping my maiden name only because my dad and all of his brothers are deceased; I only have 1 living man cousin that is carrying on my paternal family name; I really believe FH thinks I am not serious about hypenating but I am! :) I guess this question is kinda free for all because everyone looks at this situation a little different...my name will be Edwena Michelle McHanny-Johnson (I will probably drop my first name because noone can say it correctly anyway, right now my legal name is E. Michelle McHanny)
Posts: 1862
From: Maryland, Florida after we're married!!
Re: New Last Name
Posted on: 12/13/2007 09:13 AM
Thank you Divas. No, I have 3 brothers, let them carry on the family name. I have no problem dropping "Calixte" for "Boudreau". Thanks for the advice sisters.
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