Renewing Your Vows

WHO RENEWS THEIR VOWS?
Whether you are "formalizing" your elopement, commemorating an anniversary, or marking the end of a difficult time in your lives together is a great reason for reaffirming your vows. Some couples decide to renew their vows to finally have the big wedding celebration they couldn't afford when they first got married. Maybe you recently went through a traumatic time together (say, one of you was dangerously ill) and you want to reaffirm your commitment to each other. Or, you've made it to 10, 25, or 50 years together and you want the world to know that you'd do it all over again if you could.

WHO HOSTS A RENEWAL?
Sometimes children host a renewal of vows for their parents. But many couples host their own renewals.

HOW SOON AFTER THE FIRST CEREMONY CAN YOU RENEW?
A reaffirmation can take place literally anytime after the actual wedding -- the next day or 30 years later. But you don't want to renew too soon or too often, unless you've eloped and would like to make your vows public upon your return. Otherwise, be sure to reserve the occasion for milestone years.

WHERE SHOULD IT BE?
You can renew your vows in a house of worship, at home, on the beach, a garden or park, on a scenic cliff, or on a cruise -- basically, anywhere that has sentimental meaning for both of you.

WHO IS YOUR CLERGYPERSON?
Because a vow renewal is not a legally binding ceremony like a wedding is, virtually anyone you'd like can officiate at the ceremony: clergyperson, judge, your children, a close relative or even close friends. Perhaps the best man or maid of honor at the couple's first wedding would like to take the honors.

WHO SHOULD BE INVITED? HOW SHOULD THE INVITATION READ?
You might choose to have an intimate reaffirmation, inviting just close family and friends who've known you through the years. Or it can be a blowout party for your extended family and circle of friends. A word of advice: Unless you're opting for a big bash, limit your guest list because this might not be the time to entertain work acquaintances.

The invitation is similar to a wedding invite, except no hosts' names are at top:

The honor of your presence
is requested at the reaffirmation [or "renewal"]
of the wedding vows of
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Smith [or "Susan and Jonathan Smith"]
etc.

If the invitation is issued by the children of the couple:

The children of
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Smith [or "Susan and Jonathan Smith"]
request the honor of your presence
at the reaffirmation ceremony
of their parents
etc.

WHAT SHOULD YOU WEAR?
This is a time to dress to the nines. If you're the bride, you could wear your original wedding gown, if you're comfortable with it (and if it still fits!). Or you can choose another dress -- a pretty cocktail dress, a formal evening gown, or a nice suit, depending on your taste and the formality and style of the celebration. Skip the veil, but wear a hat or flowers in your hair if you'd like. Carry flowers or don a corsage.

If you're the groom, you might wear your original tuxedo or suit (or uniform if you're in the military), updated with a new tie or vest. Or choose a new ensemble for this second celebration, especially if your tux is a fashion risk! Wear a gift of jewelry your wife has given you -- cuff links, a watch -- and a boutonniere in your lapel.